The Love Languages

Updated: Apr 3

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a love-changing book called, "The 5 Languages of Love" back in the nineties. Within this book, Dr. Chapman describes some ways we practice and process love within our relationships. For many people (therapists included) this helped decode how partners, parents, or friends express their feelings of love. Dr. Gary Chapman writes about 5 types of these languages, but he does also mention in his book there could also be others. So let's go over the types he discusses in his book and then what to do if there are possible other languages you or your partner participate in.

Words of Affirmation

The thing I enjoy about love languages is that it is all in the name. No fuss. Words of affirmation is exactly how it sounds. These are individuals who experience love through receiving verbal compliments, or show love by giving them.

Acts of Service

Again, no fuss. People with this love language are service oriented and enjoy doing things for other people, or feel loved when their partners help them with something. This could be an oil change, cooking a meal, help with moving into a new place, etc.

Receiving Gifts

We all know one, "The Gifter". The person that is at your front door with a sweet surprise because they have been thinking of you. This language is expressed through thoughtful gifting such as picking up your friend or partners favorite coffee drink.

Quality Time

This language is expressed through sharing time together. This may look like carving out an intentional dinner or lunch without interruptions, or even taking some time over your lunch to call someone to check in.

Physical Touch

Exactly what it says. This is where an individual may express or receive love through body language. This could look like holding hands, a gentle hug, a massage, or even just touching your partner while sitting together watching T.V.

You can take the Love Language Quiz in Dr. Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Languages of Love" to see which how you express love and how you receive love. So now that we went over the languages in Dr. Chapman's book, let's talk about some possibilities of other love languages.

Boundary Respect

I'm big on boundaries and this is something I personally feel deserves a place in our love language library. This looks like your partner being aware of the boundaries you set around your time, energy, relationship, family, roles, and/ or physical self and respecting them. This may seem like a relationship no brainer, but I do believe this contributes to trusting someone, which is a main aspect of the L word. (Love, I mean love).

If you went over these with your partner or on your own and are feeling they may not apply to you. Begin to observe areas in your life you feel most connected to people. What are you doing when you feel this way? Become your own love researcher and see how you connect with it in your life.



Works Cited

[Chapman, G. D. (1995). The five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. Chicago: Northfield Pub.]


The Kindful Life, LLC

19 Old Town Sq. Suite 25 

Fort Collins, CO


Tel: 970-397-7524

  • Facebook - Black Circle
  • Instagram - Black Circle

© 2020 The Kindful Life

The Kindful Life provides mental health counseling services.